Who Do You Love?

  When I was younger,  I used to hear the saying ," Show me your friend and I'll tell you what type of person you are." I didn't quite grasp the meaning until years later when I came to know that friendships and relationships can greatly influence the decisions we make. Friends can knowingly or unknowingly bring a person towards goodness or lead them astray. In the end, it all lies in the hands of an individual to choose a path.

  Being a Muslimah, when I was less conscious of the obligations of the religion it was easier to make friends and keep them but with religious consciousness came the realization that not every friendship is safe. Some friends (including Muslims) would not accept that you are the same person just thinking,  acting and dressing differently.  For some, the dressing is the first turn off and it quickly dawned on me that not everyone wants to be seen with a person who walks around looking like a religious brand. You are then cut off completely,  accepted as you are, ignored or teased endlessly.
It's okay to be teased, ignored or even cut off. The ones you should be concerned about are those who criticize everything you say or do and label you a religious bigot. Being around such people often can lead to endless arguments and rifts that are best avoided. If you are not yet steadfast upon an aspect of the deen, their actions can influence you to leave it completely.

  Let's take an instance of a person who has just learned that music is haram and is trying to leave it but has close friends who don't hold the same opinion and do not accept it. What happens when they are frequently together and music is always played? Music is so hard to leave if you love it and such person may end up just seeing it as harmless again (I've been there!).
Another example, A Muslimah has friends who wear the headscarf and glam it all up with tight clothing and excess make up. She has just learned and is accepting that hijab is not synonymous with tight clothing. Then comes the low days when proper hijab is just too hard and she just feels like she's not cut out for it. In come her dolled up hijabi friends, I'm guessing without them telling her to take off her loose clothing,  seeing them alone can make her do it (Again, I've been there!). There are various situations from free mixing,  working in riba based institutions,  free mixing to haram relationships, the list goes on.

   It becomes difficult when the friends who affect our religion negatively are those we hold close to our hearts. A man once asked Allah's Apostle (Peace be upon him) when the Hour will be established. Allah's Apostle (Peace be upon him) asked him what he had prepared for it and he said, 'I haven't prepared for it much of prayer,  fasts or alms but I love Allah and His Apostle.'  Allah's Messenger (Peace be upon him) said, 'You will be with those whom you love.'  SubhanAllaah!  Our journey to the Hereafter is even linked with the people we hold close to our hearts.  Therefore,  our relationships are not to be taken with levity because a lot is attached to them. This also brings to mind the verse in Suratul Zukhruf where Allah The Most High says , " Friends that Day will be foes one to another except Al Muttaqoon (The pious)."   What is the use of a relationship if it will lead to enmity on the Day of Judgment?  Don't get me wrong, I don't mean all friends should be cut off. Rather,  choose wisely and know when to draw the line. If you have the ability to be a constant reminder, do so with kind words and good actions.  Let your friends learn that which is good from you. Be careful not to come out as condescending,  learn the proper manners of correcting people.  Make duaa for them in their absence. If all these don't work and you find yourself slipping, limit your interactions to ensure the safety of your nafs (soul). However,  do not forget to keep making duaa for them.

And from the words of the best of us is, "The example of a good companion (who sits with you)  in comparison with a bad one, is like that of the musk seller and the black smith's bellows (or furnace); from the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell while the bellows burn your clothes or your house, or you get a bad nasty smell thereof."  {Bukhari}

So, tell me how have you handled being different from your companions? Would really love to hear from you.
   

Wa Salaam Alaykum!